Give and Take Back

Jul 20, 2010

Cynthia Robinson (MSBU.SOD)

The other night while hanging out a male stepper said "If women want more men involved in this dance, they need to sit down with each other and talk about being accountable for the way they treat beginner men". Powerful statement. After all, we've heard it before and there is no doubt that some women will not dance with men they deem 'not yet good enough'. On the other hand there are

women who have experienced sitting down all night with beginner, intermediate and advanced men in the room and in light of their choice not to approach men for dances; find themselves waiting for a line dance for a chance to grace the floor. There we have two groups of dissatisfied people.

Now, there have been promoters who have been critical of other promoters for not being supportive. Often heard is 'they don't support anyone' or 'they don't show up for anything'. However, those same complainers are often accused of being unseen or unheard of until they are ready to promote something and disappear soon after it's over. More dissatisfied people.

What is often lacking in these circumstances is a healthy relationship of give and take. Within this community we depend on each other to support, show up, advertise, bring people and ultimately dance with each other. Whether in classes, at events, or online, we look for what amounts to a healthy give and take relationship. The same kind of give and take dynamic exists in the personal relationships we have with each other. If, for example, a couple decides to take dating to the next level and start an exclusive relationship, there are some considerations that now have to be had that did not exist before. It now matters if the man calls to say good night and it matters if the woman spends time hanging out with male friends. There are things that have to be taken in consideration for the other person.

In the steppin community, that consideration should ideally fall on everyone. As mature adults (for the most part), we are the representatives of what the steppin community is about. So as individuals, are actions are representative of the whole for those who are not yet part of the community. If a beginner man is being dissed by a woman, he may now been turned off to steppin, not just that woman. As a woman who would like to see the population of men increase the give and take would be in your being patient and dancing with beginner men with being critical and cross with them on the dance floor. As a promoter, the give and take would be to show up outside of 'annual event time'. While we know it is required to get flyers out during the promoting season, we also have to position ourselves to become visible during the down time. What you would take from these actions are the benefit of more men in the long run and in the case of the promoter, an increased turn out to your events along with the respect of your peers. The purpose in identifying the give and take roles we play is not to point out the ones who are not doing it. Instead the concept of give and take should serve as a preliminary thought to all of the desired success we hope to see within our steppin communities.